I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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