OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
