He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How external is "for external use only"?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
