i just had sex bonerless
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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