69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
