He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
