If that was your dad, he is hot
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You took a bar mat shot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
