i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
