Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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