guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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