my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
