I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
