my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
