The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
