that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
