someone owes me an orgasm
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Farmville is her only friend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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