genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
