is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
