Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
