ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
