we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
