Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
