We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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