Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
