Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So many bounce houses so little time
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
