I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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