yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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