you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
