i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
