there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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