as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize