i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
