apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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