Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
