Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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