Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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