I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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