I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
