oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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