She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
