She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize