I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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