she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
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So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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