If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
