I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
