Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
