they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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