i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
