I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
