dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
