we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
