The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
