I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
