I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
