If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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