I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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