I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
