Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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