i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't deserve a penis
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
