i need an iv and a liver transplant
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
