This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
