So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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