She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
