I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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