Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
