I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
