he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
