I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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