I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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